reflections on a dead show

so I finally finished the last two episodes of "Firefly" I had outstanding. I know, I'm horrible at watching things I love, shut up.

of course it was an amazing show; of course it was. what struck me more was the "making of" vignette. they all knew it was special as it was happening. they knew they were a part of something bigger. which led me to thinking about my own future. Joss remarked that the fans of the show just "got it," and that was the singular reason for making art. that.. that resonated.

so say I'm an artist. where does that leave me? say I'm not an artist, that I merely ride others' coattails...is there a life to be had in that? I don't even feel comfortable asking that question, so no. but what path am I going to carve? I have no compass, no blueprints, no guidelines.

I envy those who block out the noise, the thousands of possibilities, and make their own goals. i really do. I just have to wonder...do they ever regret their choice? do they ever think "what if"? their iota of doubt makes me not feel so alone.