17 August 2006

does this blog make me look antisocial?

the boi left today. the temp boi, that is. the one who did data entry at my work for a few weeks during the summer. the one who wants to become a music critic and was even enveloped by pitchfork during his stay with us. the one who listened to his elvis costello and spoon and girl talk while i listened to my balding yuppie coworkers yammer on about golf. the one who didn't start out so cute but got steadily cuter as time wore on, as we had more snarky, knowing conversations. the only one i felt really comfortable talking to, at least until i felt a crush coming on. the one who had so many friends he didn't know what to do with them all, while i wondered what it would be like to be part of his circle without knowing how to be so.

it's not so much the fact that we didn't really hang out (though he showed up at the starlight mints show) or that he didn't seem 'into' me. it's the possibility that he represented, the thought that no, i don't have to languish in this stupid, money-grubbing, single-minded field forever. i can do something that i really want to do, involve myself in things i actually care about very deeply. he was like the proverbial stranger who blows into town with the evening shade, rearranges that town's perceptions utterly, then quietly drifts on. sigh.. i'm being dramatic again. but with a driving force gone, i fear my desire to break out into a place for me will slowly wither and collapse again... i wish him all the luck in the world.

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