the dating game

time to bring douchebaggery back.

so I've been on OkCupid, the dating site, for a long time. I actually joined while I was still dating one of my exes, if that gives you any indication of how great that went. (interestingly enough, while never at any point would I describe myself as a heavy drinker, I apparently marked myself as such in my profile. not a great coupling, that.)

for the past eight months or so, I've tried to use it as a legitimate service, with dismal results. some highlights:

• the guy in the Army who, right this second, is stationed in Afghanistan. he also cannot live without his gun.


• the guy into "postmodern theory," who most likely would only get along with others who are into postmodern theory, because the rest of us don't know or care what the fuck it is.


• those who can barely string two sentences together, usually intimating sex. double if they claim they write as a hobby.


• guys that rattle off the three words that describe them. it's very stilted and usually not reflected in the rest of their profile anyway.


• is there an unwritten rule that everyone and their godmother has to travel to at least three continents?


• how many variations on "bearsfan" or "chiguy" can there possibly be? how does that distinguish you in the least? this means your defining characteristic is either that you like sports or that you exist.

those are just the ones I can remember. keep in mind these are the guys the service has picked for me. also, how is it that I can't choose to not be paired with guys who have kids, especially when I've specified I don't want kids? seems like kind of a big deal.

so far I haven't gotten a single date out of the thing, but in lieu of a steady stream of men waiting outside my door, I'll stay with it...