06 April 2006


my coworker, for whatever reason, went to a Wrigley's shareholder meeting the other day. in return for investing, the company gave out little 'kits' of gum and candy in these spiffy boxes. he passed 'em around to the entire office. there was the usual stuff, like Altoids, Eclipse, Orbit, what have you. then, included with the usual suspects, were some funky little japanese items.. all gum, i think.

i picked up a piece today out of the box and pondered the chewing that was to come. it had cherries printed on it, so i figured, what's the harm? upon opening the little wrapper, i saw a hollowed-out piece of pink gum with this translucent gel in the middle. not the most appetizing sight. dauntless, i poked it into my mouth anyway. and i know what you're thinking; foreign candy has been the brunt of comedy for many a year due to its odd packaging and unknown sources. well, i'm here to tell you:

it tasted like soap.

i mean, it was tolerable, but the 'cherry' branding on the wrapper must have been a mere whimsical notion, for it in no way resembled cherry of any kind. the gel had a naturally sickening consistency, reminding me of little fat globules in sausage. what springs to mind is Big Pink gum from Futurama. sadly, my teeth were not pinkened from the experience.

as a bonus, though, i picked out another, more savory japanese treat from the gum box:

now when someone asks me for some gum, i can just give them my... yeah.


Colleen said...

Haha! If things go really well, I have some Sanrio condoms from Japan for you. The thing is, though, they're rather compact in size. Also, "Rampant douchebaggery" has got to be the best phrase I've heard all year.

geekgrrl said...

Japanese condoms? compact size? you're making it too easy.

i wish i could take the credit for that phrase, but i asked for scott's permission to use it. thank god he consented, or i'd have nothin'. nothin'!