sick of everything

seriously. my ipod's dragging, my tried-and-true movie faves don't appeal.. i've even come down off my Horrible high. (fun while it lasted!) i did see a music vid (they still have those?) on friday that stayed with me the whole weekend. it's an Australian band called Eskimo Joe. never heard of em, but they've got an '80s/early '90s rock sound with a touch of the creepy. i dig the guy's voice, too. i'm sure my endorsement will make them happier than they've ever been.

other than that obsession...bleh. i want to get out and consume some new media!

for one week only!

okay. it won't make a lick of difference, but as someone working her way through "Firefly" and an occasional blogger, i have to do this:



a supervillian musical with Neil Patrick Harris, Nathan Fillion and.. you know what, just watch it. it's less than 14 minutes long and it's really fucking funny.

growing up

is it bad that i still count my age in months? as of tomorrow, i will be 28 and 10 months old. god, that looks so queer...like i'm gearing up for an old-timey headstone.

remind me...

...never to eat eggs again. oh my lard, i feel horrible. like i did 5,000 situps yesterday and drank vodka in lieu of sleeping.

speaking of aching body parts, strangely enough, i danced at neo on saturday and i feel fine. so far. there's still a chance i will be kicked in the ass by lactic acid buildup "delayed onset muscle soreness." (shit, wikipedia tells me lactic acid isn't a valid excuse for sore muscles anymore. AP biology? debunkt!) it was a fun time regardless.. i knew far too few songs on the dance floor, even though i doubt they played anything past 2003. hell, they played "shake the disease," which i would hardly consider dancable. (it was early.)

whenever i go, i'm consistently amazed at how some of the angriest music ever made makes me so happy. the pounding bass, the tortured screams, the clang of synthesizers...it's all so lovely. i really am a very violent person. i dance violent, in a "get the fuck away from me" manner. it takes on a cleansing property, which indicates i'm getting out some very bad stuff...or i need massive amounts of intense therapy. probably both.

another QotD

from a Chicagoist post on 6/26:

"In the eternal battle of Ninjas v. Pirates, the dark-horse winner is always Vikings."

now that i think about it, this makes total fucking sense.

crises

lately i've been feeling the drag of time upon me. with the passing of kristin's grandmother, several friends getting married, and my 29th birthday soon to come, i have to wonder just what makes a life. rather, what makes my life. if i waste it, is it such a huge deal? what makes another person's accomplishments that much grander, on the timewise scale of humanity?* not to be trippy or morbid, but we are all just blips in the universe. it could give less of a shit about us. (that's why i love Douglas Adams so much.)

back to earth. i've noticed that my pervasive feeling of uselessness and boredom is most prominent at work. (shocker.) this used to be a high-stress job. i'd come in at quarter to 7, be a flurry of activity for most of the day with much sweating and teeth-gnashing, and not get out until at least 5. now i'm lucky if i get data entry stuff to put in once an hour. the rest of the time is gobbled up by refreshing my bookmarks ad nauseum. and yet...the stress continues. due to the early hours and what i assume is my recent exercising, i've been more and more of a zombie at my job. i'm just...not...here. i can barely function. it's pretty damn concerning.

well, get another job, you say. fine. except:
- it pays well. i've got money saved, but i'm terrified of losing it all. on the other hand, sometimes i wonder why i have money saved at all; i never do anything with it.
- i'm not qualified for anything else. hell, i got this gig through a temp agency. there's no way i could have snagged this on my own; i think i'm the only one in my office without a college education. what's the solution to that? either:
- going to school full-time, which costs tons of money, or
- taking night classes, which.. well, if i'm a zombie now, i dread to think of what would become of me then. i don't have the drive.

now i'm starting to sound like a whiner. which is valid. but i just don't know how to balance what i need with what i want...especially when the former impedes upon knowing the latter.

* i almost typed "hunanity," which made me hungry for lo mein.

QotD*

"Day 184. Still can’t go outside. Monkeys waiting to fist me with robot arms."

* nevermind that it was written on the 29th, i haven't read it in a while.

good lord i'm 30 (in another year and three months)

i just realized today that i will turn 30 on 9/9/09. or, to put it a spookier way, 09/09/09. (aside: does this mean i'm the antichrist? or the antiantichrist? if that's the case, y'all are fucked.)

as much as i hate to dwell on my rapidly approaching milestone, i can't help but think i have to do something batshit crazy to celebrate that date. maybe if i save up now, i can book one of those individual flights to the moon...good luck to my party guests on pulling that one off.

current obsessions

• lindsay buckingham - 'go insane.' heard it on the radio last week for about five seconds and had to get it. i'm sure i've heard it at some other point in my life, cuz it sounded vaaaaguely familiar. the chorus is so fuckin' catchy i think i've got an infection.


• little debbie nutty bars. i had a dream about these things a few weeks ago.. i was eating a chocolate/wafer/peanut butter bar but i didn't know what it was. one of those itchings in the back of your brain, y'know? well, i went to the store today and locked eyes with the object of my obsession. didn't get any after seeing the unholy amounts of fat in them, but it's good to know what they are!


• caffeine. i think i'm back on the horse again.. and just when kim quits starbucks. thanks for nothing.


• games in general. i haven't gamed this much in a long time.. PC, wii, emulator, and oh yeah.. i got the DS. squee!

note: obsessions subject to change at any time. if you do not agree with current obsessions, please wait half an hour.

consume, consume, CONSUUUUUME!!

i sure hope the senate passes that there economic stimulus package, cuz i gots me somethin' to buy:

http://kotaku.com/351504/its-official-nintendo-announces-cobaltblack-ds-lite

and of course, once that's in my grubby little mitts, it's only natural to wanna do this:

http://frodo.dyn.gno.org/~brettk/NetHackDS

yeehaaw!

genius

funniest, most awesome, seemingly non-sensical sentence i've read today:

'his special move is to walk out and lick his cathole, causing one point of damage to all enemies.'

this is, of course, describing the upcoming 'penny arcade adventures episode 1: on the rain-slick precipice of darkness.' if you'll excuse me, i have to run to the bathroom now, weeping with hilarity.

memory loss

(excuse the capitals...MS Werd overrode my dashing style)

I was doing my daily crossword on the train this morning when I came across something odd. For the life of me, I couldn’t remember the capital of Oregon. Not only did I not remember it, it was one of those things I couldn’t recall ever knowing, even though I know I knew it. (what a mental mouthful.) The only city I could even think of in Oregon is Eugene, and that’s because it was mentioned in a Futurama episode I saw last night.

This is seriously disturbing. I pride myself on my rote memorization ability, and to find it’s disintegrated? And over something as simple as state capitals? I wish this were something new, but it’s not. I often have conversations, then can’t recall what I said five minutes later. (This was particularly true of convos with my abusive ex. Made defending myself hell on earth.) Thoughts of the A-word have popped up in my head from time to time. My step-grandfather died from it, but he wasn’t blood, so I thought I was safe.. until I found out recently that my paternal grandfather died from it, too. On top of that, I know my memory has gone steadily downhill, probably since I graduated high school. I figured part of it might be because I didn’t really _have_ to memorize anything anymore, at least not for memorization’s sake. Another part of it might be the amount of games I play and the degree I get swallowed by them, not taking in any other information.

Then I read this.

Sadly, it makes a lot of sense. I’ve been listless and mopey the past couple days.. coupled with my unique flavor of tired, it’s not as jarring that I couldn’t remember Salem. (it still sounds weird to me, though.) The pros are I don’t think I have to worry about Alzheimer’s quite yet, and there may be a legitimate reason for my mental lapses. The cons? Well…what am I going to do about it?

all in the name of pretty girl science

i just did something incredibly silly and extremely geeky.

i'm on a venture brothers kick lately. my ex patrick first introduced me to them over the summer. i was instantly hooked by the ultra-violence, obscure pop culture references and classic comic book drawing style. there are so many great characters, but the monarch and dr. girlfriend are just such an awesome, awesome pairing.

in one episode, dr. girlfriend is asked what shade of lipstick she wears. she replies, 'pink poodle...it's a MAC color.' i love her lipstick on the show, so i paid special attention to this...the makeup worn by a fictional cartoon character. yeah, i need help.* forever after, MAC cosmetics - which i knew was a high-end line, but that's about it - has become linked in my mind with the venture brothers. for further strengthening, saturday night i stumbled upon a mockup on co-creator doc hammer's deviantart page for a DIY triana orpheus costume. what lipstick does she wear? MAC's cyber. not just any cheapass purple lipstick put out by walgreens at halloween, like you'd expect from a proper goth teenager! no, she wears a $14 tube of lipcolor i've never heard of. hilarious.

so tonight my xmas shopping took me to (ugh) macy's, where they have a MAC counter. every time i passed it i smirked to myself. when i was done with consuming, i passed by one more time.. and thought, why not? why not try to find cyber and pink poodle, for some S&G? cyber was easy enough; the counter girl looked like she ate it for breakfast and pointed it right out when i asked. and there, at the top of the lipglass display, was a very pink poodle. mirthed, i had no reason to stay...except they all looked like really nice colors, especially that one there, the mattene shade.. can i try it on even if i have a cold? i can? how's it look? ...sigh, yeah, i'll take it.

long story short, i blew $14.50 on lipstick that i never, ever would have bought if it weren't for that meddling TV show. on the bright side, it's really nice stuff, and i think it looks damn good on me. it just better justify its cost in the long run.

* what really got me was listening to the directors' commentary on the DVD.. doc hammer, who voices dr. girlfriend, thought they might get free product out of the mention. they didn't, but i found it highly amusing that two raunchy, smartass guys were hoping to get free makeup out of a plug on their show.

snapshots of a work christmas party

our party was at the 10 pin lounge next to the house of blues. it's the third year in a row we've done bowling. some thoughts on the evening:

- the party was slated to start at 6; most of the guys were going to go downstairs after work at 4. eric went on a beer run around 2. cuz two extra hours of drinking isn't enough.
- i left later than the others.. took a cab to the joint and looked around. no one there.
- found the boys in an opulent lounge off the sax hotel. this is the kind of joint you do opium in. they even offered an absinthe cocktail (absente, sugar and water), about which i inquired intensely, but declined when the waitress said no one she'd served it to yet had liked it, and that it tasted like 'rubbing alcohol.' not a good choice for the first drink of the night.
- instead, i got the girliest drink on the planet, a lotus martini. dark pink drink with a pink flower for garnish. which, naturally, i wore.
- the big boss in dallas made us all bowling shirts, replete with names (and a pocket!). pretty snazzy.
- treated to the sight of a hunky coworker changing into his shirt right there in the alley. he was wearing an undershirt, but he was nice enough to take that off too. wish i'd gotten a picture.
- we took a group picture in our shirts, in the hopes of making it into our holiday card. a glass was broken during the proceedings. no matter; they just knelt amongst the shards. good thing, too, or else those pictures would never have been taken.
- someone chose three tool songs from the video jukebox. i never thought i'd see 'prison sex' in any setting with my coworkers. thanks to whoever did that; no joke.
- couldn't breathe for most of the night. i carried my hand sanitizer everywhere i went. like i'm not enough of a dork already.
- i bowled a 34, which i'm blaming squarely on my horrible cold.
- at one point a pin got stuck in the gutter. mark asked one of our waitresses to go down and fix it. so she hauled her skinny gum-smacking ass down to the end of the lane to the tune of catcalls and hooting. upon returning, she got a hearty outbreak of applause. in that instant, i hated the entirety of earth.
- near the end of the night, i got into a conversation with wallace, one of our guys out in cali. he mentioned that he writes, and we got on the subject of poetry and hemingway. he's actually convinced me i might have to go back and check hemingway out again. patrick will be so proud.

my regrets? having this stupid cold, only having two drinks because of this stupid cold, missing work today so i can't see how the hangovers turned out/who showed up. that's usually the best part. oh well.. there's always next year.

a warning

do not fall asleep with a cold-eez lozenge in your mouth. ever. i'll be lucky if i taste anything else ever again.

gingerblog 2007: gaming edition

so last year i did this gingerbread thing, right. you might have read about it. since i like questioning my sanity every once in a while, i decided to keep the tradition alive again this year. the only thing is...the 'test market' is a remarkably small audience. not as small as it was a few months ago, but no one in my immediate physical circle (except one) will understand what the eff i'm doing. in short, this one's for me. (and my gaming clan, and my online friends, and a few thousand kotaku readers.)

a longass time ago, i played an online computer game called mega team fortress. when i say played it, i mean i played the fuck out of that bitch. i had no job, was out of school.. i was the archetypical nerd living with her mom and staying up until 5 am playing a mod of a mod of a mod of quake 1. (funny, the more i write, the less nostalgic i become.) i got involved in the community, created my own maps.. even my first four boyfriends (ever!) came out of playing this game. to say i loved mega was probably an understatement.

i started playing in november '98; it had already been around for a while before that. it started out with people playing many different maps, a different map for every server, if you will. as the years wore on, the number of popular maps dwindled, until most capture-the-flag servers were playing a map called 2fort5. two forts facing each other, one for the red team, the other for blue. simple enough. that and a few scant other maps were still being played when i left the scene. (to show what it looked like, a thoughtful fellow put up a mega TF 2fort5 rampage up on youtube. i never thought i'd see the day!)

skip forward to october, 2007. slavering geeks everywhere went mad with ecstasy over the orange box, which included a little game called team fortress 2. i was one of those geeks, secretly pining for my own TF days of yore. sure, i played a variation of TF, but who's counting? naturally since 2fort5 had been so popular in the first Team Fortress (and i'm guessing team fortress classic for half-life, but i never played that), valve decided to remake the old standard, complete with intelligence rooms, chicken wire and cows. aside from a few minor differences, it's the same 2fort i love, hate and know to an embarrassing degree.

that degree's going to get even more embarrassing when i undertake this year's holiday project: 2fort, gingerbread style.

now that's all well and good. it shouldn't be *too* tough.. no ceiling, two stories (three if i can figure out how that would work).. a structure not unlike a dollhouse with sniper decks. for the most part, i'm forgoing the fanciness of the new 2fort and kind of getting back to basics. what i'm really digging on are the nine different character classes in TF2. valve executed them with such graphical and stylistic brilliance that i want to bring them into my little gingerbread world. so, to go along with 2fortgb, i will attempt to render each of the nine classes in fondant. this is where i take flight and delve deep into the heart of madness.

however, to show it's not impossible (and how much i need a date), i gave the pyro a go a couple nights ago. keep in mind this is ONLY A PROTOTYPE. the finished pyro will lookd a damn sight better. if not, i'm feeding them all to neighborhood cats and taking up cross-stitch.

shame on you, wamu

a washington mutual saga:

• bought a glut of computer parts at the end of september. shipment was delayed due to mismatched address. huh.. i switched my address over in may 2006 with no problems. whatever. resubmitted the orders.



• tried to buy a separate LCD monitor. same problem: address didn't match. i couldn't seem to buy anything else online, either.. my card wasn't being accepted.



• visited wamu directly. they told me my problems stemmed from my debit card expiring in november, and that they sent out a new card oct. 1.



• waited three weeks. worried about chicago's craptastic mail system misdelivering my card, or perhaps losing it entirely.



• visited wamu again. this time they told me two things:
  1. somehow the active period on my card for my old address had been changed from 2004-2006 to 2004-2056, trumping my current address; and
  2. they never sent the new card.
  got them to fix the address mess and get the new card sent.



• tried to get money yesterday from two different machines. both told me 'unauthorized access.' had to put off buying new gaming headphones, not to mention getting cash (without huge fees), paying for things, etc. until my new card arrives.

thankfully, the new card was in my mailbox when i got home. but what if it hadn't been? my CTA card's almost empty, my wallet's packing nothing but flies, and i sure as hell ain't carrying around checks with me. and if my card had been put into the wrong hands, say so long to my bank account. fucking anyone could have activated it. they don't ask for anything person-specific, just for you to call from your home number (which i didn't - i used my cell, which still worked). besides, the old card shouldn't have been deactivated until the new one was active anyway. thanks, wamu, you should know better than this.

the Zeusaphone

here's one of those instances where i find something cool - not just kinda cool, forgettably cool, but intensely, blow-you-away, kick-my-ass cool. i was researching brass instruments on wikipedia in a move that will hopefully become apparent soon, when one of the related links pointed to something called a 'zeusaphone.' in a nutshell, it's a tesla coil engineered to produce sounds with every discharge of electricity. oh my jesus, is it cool. i guess it was just invented/discovered this year by a U of I electrical engineering student. (woo illinois! and such) a description would not be complete without the appropriate visual aids:



there's also a more linear youtube vid with two (2!) coils playing out 'dance of the sugar plum faeries.' i'd totally pay to see this; this guy should do a tour. ..except maybe he should skip rhode island.

the universe can stop shitting on me now

earlier today i wrote about how i poured almost a paycheck's worth of money into a new gaming rig. i bought all the stuff through newegg, which is pretty much my go-to for all things computer (now that fucking comp usa up and left). i come home from work tonight to find an email in my yahoo inbox. it's more than just a 'we received your order and it's in process.' it's more of a 'there was a problem and we need you to verify that your shipping information is the same as what your card has on file, even though you've ordered plenty of stuff with us before through the same card with no problems.' now maybe this is my mistake, since i can't check yahoo at work and now have to wait a whole extra day, but.. no. it's THEIR fuckup. this is $1200 worth of merchandise they're now sitting on for no logical reason. and i put a rush fucking order on it, too, so i'd have it in time to game for the three-day weekend. four days left, fuckos.

next item of business in karmic fuckery: the cubs game on wednesday? you know, the first game of the post-season, of which the cubs (the cubs!!) are a part? 9 pm CST start time. so i get to watch about an hour of it, maybe an hour and a half, before i have to sleep. brilliant decision there. i know programmers and the MLB are counting on nationwide cubs fans to stay glued to their sets until midnight, but come the fuck on. that's just not fair. and what about people on the east coast? talk about screwed. how can you appreciate the adrenaline of playoff baseball when your eyelids keep drooping? dumb.

finally (for now), i was flipping through my handful of HD channels i can get over-air with my antenna. one of my favorite discoveries when i first got my HDTV was a channel called The Tube. it's kinda like how MTV used to be, back when they actually played music. all videos, some old, some new, most i hadn't seen in forever ('orange crush,' anyone?). i just saw a commercial on WGN for the Tube last night, advertising it as 9.2 on your digital stations. that's what made it so unbelievable that when i flipped to the Tube just now, i was greeted by a screen that said it was now off the air. a trip to their website confirms it. what the fuck? i can accept that it's off the air (give me a few days, though.. that really sucks), but why show a commercial a day before yanking it? why bother? 'there's this cool music channel out there that you might not know about, and guess what? you never will! hahaha!'

i don't fucking get it.

dangerous living

last night was very special. i did it. i took the plunge. it'd been a few years coming...but i finally got around to buying parts for a new computer. i feel so much better now. (well i would if i'd gotten a decent sleep last night.)

only about $1200 all told. however, that's before i drop more coin on a flatscreen LCD monitor (i'm thinkin' 19", or whoever has the best deal) and, naturally, games. i've done this twice before.. the morning after is usually spent still sifting through computer websites, hoping desperately that i made the right choices. we will see in a few days!