more important than halloween

still halloween for another half hour. that's great and all. it's my favorite holiday, but...

i've had my cat bailey for a while now, since february. she was a stray, so i got her checked out at the vet, got her vaccinations done, had her spayed, all that good stuff. i figured she'd be good on the health front for a while. she's still very kitten-like and always wants to play with me. she used to be like that, anyway.

a few weeks ago i noticed her losing energy. i figured it was cuz i didn't actively play with her all that much and that she was getting used to that fact. she's also been meowing a lot - she hardly ever meows - and having some poop issues. (sorry, but there's a point ->) last night she sat on my desk.. when she got up, she left a little something behind. that ain't normal. i called the vet today and took her in.

it turns out my feisty little kitty has severe, life-threatening anemia. they think it's a blood parasite. it's so bad that as of this moment, she is getting a blood transfusion. the vet sent me to an emergency hospital since i was the last appointment of the night and they had to close. kim and scott picked me up and took me, bless their hearts. i don't know what i would have done if i'd had to go it alone. the shock of her condition was bad enough... i would have gone crazy.

they warned me that with anesthetizing her (they had to gas her at the vet's just to examine her, she doesn't like doctors at all) and taking blood samples and prepping her, that her already weakened system would have to go through yet another few shocks.. they warned me that she might go into cardiac arrest. and i keep thinking.. what if it's something i did? what if she got sick because of me, because of something i did or didn't do? if they go through all the trouble of giving her one or more transfusions or even having to resuscitate her, would it be worth it to go back to me, the owner that's hardly ever around, and when she is, she's always picking her up and putting her somewhere else, or yelling at her to get off the dresser or stop scratching the couch, or being too busy or self-absorbed to give her the attention she deserves? but.. don't all owners experience that at some point? i don't know.. i'm exhausted and confused. and i don't want my kitty to die. she's not even a year and a half, and she's gravely ill. i hope, dearly hope they find whatever is wrong and fix it. and then she's not allowed to so much as sneeze until she's at least ten years old.