31 July 2006

@#%@#$, it's hot

man, what a weekend. my friend justin visited from cleveland. i love it when someone visits; i get to see and do stuff i'd never see or do otherwise. stuff like:


whew. i think i made up for several weeks of sloth with that laundry list. i had an assload of fun doing it, too. ffs, justin, ditch ohio already. :D

23 July 2006

wicker park streetfest, etc.

whew. been on my feet for pretty much the whole day (my day starting at 12:30, like a sunday should). i firstly went to the brown elephant on halsted, then to linens 'n things, to look for a foyer table. no dice on either end. i proceeded to big hair to get a freakin' haircut, since i'm such a hippie. no deal. i thought they were open 'till 4 on sunday - such says a sign posted in their window - but they're only open 'till 3 and they stop taking walk-ins an hour before close. i got there at 2:30. boned, i decided what the hell, since i came up here, i'll take a bus down to summerfest in wicker park.

it was ok. i was mostly interested in telefon tel aviv and starlight mints, mostly because those were the only bands i'd heard of beforehand. i missed TTA; they played saturday and i had a certain furniture item to wait on for four hours. but hey, i could still see the starlight mints, and buy some unnecessary gewgaws and greasy pizza while i was at it.

i caught the band before starlight mints, who had the enviable name of someone still loves you, boris yeltsin. (one of the better ones i've heard lately.) i must admit, though he looked underage, the singer was pretty darn cute. i should have bought some crap from them. they put on a good show, too.

starlight mints took their sweet time getting everything ready. i guess that's what you go thru when a large part of your act is samples from many different keyboards and having six people on stage. (at one point they claimed they were not going to do a certain song, as they did not have the appropriate puppets with them.) before they went on, i bumped into a coworker with whom i discuss music with quite a bit. that was cool. unfortunately i kind of blew off his companion/coworker at another job/friend when we parted ways. d'oh.

on the plus side, the mints were very good. i'd only heard a tiny bit of their stuff before going to see them. they're.. well, they're downright goofy. they've got a theatrical britpop/dr. seussian vibe going on, with plenty of horn and random sundry sounds. they looked like they were having fun. good stuff.

oh, as mentioned before, i purchased more than my fair share of jewelry and fewd and beer. one necklace i bought is made from old computer parts. the thought just makes me feel all funny inside. not only is it industrial enough to wear to the club, i could slap it on for a lan party. rock.

22 July 2006

the day has arrived!

over memorial day weekend, i went to roy's furniture (2455 n. sheffield) to scope out couches. i'd never owned one of my own before; one of the slew of apartments i've lived in so far had a hand-me-down, but it didn't move with me and the sublettors donated it to the brown elephant, if i recall correctly. pro about roy's: they're pretty darn cheap due to lack of advertising, and they have a fuckton of nice stuff. con about roy's: 6-8 weeks for delivery. my poor homeless couch, floating in the ether, was not to be truly mine for at least a month and a half.

but today, they finally deposited it in my living room in under five minutes, with little fanfare. it was as if an alien wormhole had plopped this green overstuffed egg into my undeserving dimension:



and apparently, i'm not the only one happy about it:



aww.

19 July 2006

better or worse than secondhand smoke?

the good news is, i got my ancient a/c sleeve unit working. the genius in me (with some help from a landlord) plugged the damn thing in, after turning my bathwater brown for five minutes whilst cleaning the filter.

the bad news is, i'm not sure exactly what my apartment now smells like, but it's not good. sort of like a combination between dirt and fish. how did my apartmental ancestors before me cope with this smell? did they have the absence of common sense to even turn it on? holing up in my bedroom with my new window unit is sounding like a better and better idea.

revoking my citizenship (again)

so bush put the kibosh on opening up more stem cell research. this doesn't surprise me, nor will it surprise anyone. after all, we're dying to let the world know we're devolving to the point where we're willing to toss embryos in the garbage that could otherwise save people (including children!) from dying.

'hey bob, you just gonna toss those embryos? why don't we try to get some use out of em, since we have em around?'
'nah jimmy, it's a disgrace to the sanctity of life!' *scrapes cells into the incinerator*

what really pisses me off is when he was making his little speech, there were two squirming spawn behind him carried by idiot patsies. i don't pray often, but i hope one of those kids is stricken with Parkinson's or diabetes or something. that'll teach em. fuckers.

13 July 2006

i blame the red states

ugh.. fuck you, america, for voting Taylor Ware as the second semi-finalist. how cornball can you get.

10 July 2006

itching

what does a lifelong sloth do when it wants to stop being slothlike? what is there to do? impromptu kickboxing? lacrosse? bustin' a move? jesus wept.. unspent energy, wasted in jaw clenching and foot tapping. rollerblades, a skateboard, a bike.. fuck, i don't know how to do any of those things. can a body learn at age 26?

sigh.. i guess a walk's better than nothing..

05 July 2006

america's got another patsy

crap. crap crap. crap crappity crap. i think i'm hooked on 'america's got talent.' i always said i avoided these kind of shows like the plague, for obvious reasons, but goddamn, i couldn't stop watching. the whole reason i tuned in was because one of our local gals got on the show (and passed onto the next round, btw). they showed her in a rerun, then damn their oily souls, they showed a new one after that! what kind of demons DO such an abominable thing??

i could get used to this whole 'teevee' thing... sure beats real life.

03 July 2006

hawt



WORK, DAMN YOU, WORK!!

30 June 2006

finders keepers

my cat is of the curious variety. i certainly haven't found all the hiding places she frequents. i'm not even sure where she sleeps when i'm at work. (she certainly never sleeps when *i'm* trying to sleep.) but apparently she's been dipping into an alternate universe:



i've never seen either of these necklaces before. they look like something i could (or would) only acquire after showing my tits to passing floats. yet, i came home one day, and the green one was on my floor and the purple one was in my kitchen sink. after freaking out a little - omg, what if people are breaking into my apartment and leaving me cheap plastic jewelry??? - i reached the conclusion that these were somehow left over from the previous occupants.

i thought that was the end of it...until i was making mac & cheese tonight and discovered this on my kitchen floor:



yup.. it's an empty, cat hair-encrusted packet of lube. strawberry kiwi lube, no less. i can't make this shit up. and i'm learning more about my neighbors than i ever really wanted to know.

27 June 2006

the englishman who went up a hill and came down a mountain and blew another fucking tiebreaker

there are few constants in life. it puts my mind at ease to know that amid all the chaos of the world, e always equals mc2, the Cubs will always suck, and Tim Henman will never win Wimbledon. i was fairly surprised to see him playing this year. don't get me wrong, i always had a soft spot for the dark-haired chap with the Wallace-like teeth, but the homeboy's just never had the cojones to dig in and win the whole thing. he's a relic - a serve-and-volley player in a world of baseliners - and the increasingly outmoded grass is supposedly 'his' surface.. yet he can't bring it all together and make it happen. i've watched him drag out match after match with amateurs to five sets, only to lose before the round of 16 to anyone who can put up a challenge. poor sod.

he's not even seeded this year.. and i saw his next match is against reigning champ Roger Federer. sorry, Tim, hope to see you crash and burn again next year. cheers!

20 June 2006

the sound of sushi

i get breakfast for my coworkers in the morning. (insert sound of whip cracking *here*) luckily, there's an american-style eatery right downstairs in our building that i go to nearly every day, not only for breakfast, but lunch too. today i noticed a bigass sign denoting four kinds of sushi. buoyed, i asked the girl behind the counter about said sign. she told me not only were they starting with the sushi serving today, but to celebrate, they'd give some away free. free rhymes with squee, which is an approximation of the noise i made.

when lunchtime rolled around, i went down to pick up my tasty fishy morsels. complications ensued. turns out they were sent the wrong stuff, ergo, no free lunch. crushed, i opened my wallet nonetheless to spare myself the disappointment of sushilessness. i moped back upstairs and commenced with my pencilpushing.

then, out of the corner of my eye, i spied someone coming into the office. someone put a small plate down next to me with two tiny rolls and a packet of soy sauce. he joggled my elbow and said my name. i whizzed around and saw it was jorge, one of the cashiers/servers in the restaurant. he'd come up even though he completely didn't have to and spanked me some free sushi. how cool is that? it was pretty good, too.. i think he gave me some spicy salmon and tuna. mm.

i know there's no way on earth you read my blog, jorge, but thank you anyway!

ps. a&w diet root beer does not go with sushi. not one bit.

15 June 2006

that wheelchair guy

you gotta love stephen hawking. the man appears on the simpsons, futurama and then takes a swipe at the frogs.

Hawking -- who must communicate with an electronic speech synthesizer -- said he once considered using a machine that gave him a French accent but he couldn't use it because his wife would divorce him.


the rest of the article's pretty interesting too.. but man, does that kick ass.

10 June 2006

graaaaAAAAAAAARRRRR

i finally gave up the ghost and admitted i lost my cell phone, that it is gone. i haven't the slightest clue where i lost it. i know i lost it on the 5/26, that i had it that morning before i went to work, but when i came home, it was nowhere to be found. i called every establishment i could think of that i visited that day (i went shopping after work, which only makes things worse). the kicker is, i'm not even sure i put it in my purse, since i hardly ever use it. i've turned my place upside down searching for the stupid thing. and it's also off, and t-mobile, in their infinite wisdom, won't turn it on, which i know you can do.

i called t-mobile just now to report the phone and file a claim. their automated system is one of those cutesy things where the soothing fake voice pretends it can interact with you. 'all right, now tell me your problem.' no choices, no menu, you have to tell a machine anything that could possibly be wrong and hope it picks up on a key word you say. who does this benefit, exactly? people who are too stupid to know they're talking to a robot? do some people try to hold a conversation with the answering machine? i would not doubt that for a second, lamentably. i should have said 'purple monkey dishwasher' just to see what would happen.

i finally got to the claim department, where they told me i need to fill out a police report.. on a phone that, for all i know, could still be in my apartment somewhere. all this makes the eventual irony when i find my old phone (after getting a new one) that much more bitter. there's no activity on my records since 5/24; if someone has my phone and hasn't called or messaged anyone by now, they have even less friends than i do, and they can keep the damn phone for the games for all i care. this sucks buckskin.

09 June 2006

waiting



i saw these flowers yesterday, going upstairs to my apartment.

sitting.

sitting for too long already.

sitting... for how long?

08 June 2006

chicagoista

damn, it's hard to yell at my cat after yelling in a crowded bar for two hours...

just got back from chicagoist's 2nd anniversary party at the pontiac café. pretty fun. they had delicious frosty cupcakes with a 'snakes on the hancock' theme going. i got to eat one gussied up like a snake that looked kind of like a muppet. plus i got some swag. woo swag!

it was cool, but hard to tell who was who. there were the blog contributors, some of whom wore t-shirts emblazoned with 'chicagoist'. then there were commentors, such as myself. then there were friends of both commentors and contributors. then there were people who just wanted the $3 beers and free drink tickets, i'm assuming.. i gave up after a short while. the music was surprisingly agreeable. kudos to tankboy for moving me to shake my booty. parklife represent!

20 May 2006

it's not just the fans!

wow. the cubs/sox game today would have been the usual northside beatdown if not for the fight that broke out in the second inning. we (kim, scott and i) were sitting on the third-base side, ground level. the sox's brian anderson hit a fly ball.. a.j. pierzynski, on third, ran for home. everyone stood up to see if the throw would make it to home in time. i saw pierzynski plow into the cubs' catcher, michael barrett, and after that it was complete pandemonium. i had no idea what had happened besides the collision. benches emptied, i couldn't tell if anyone was hurt, it was so crowded on the field. the crowd was going batshit. as we waited to see what would happen, some of the sox fans behind me said barrett threw a punch, then podsednik or konerko jumped him or something. according to them, barrett was a pussy. typical. barrett and pierzynski both got ejected, along with two other guys i didn't even know were fighting. even better, the sox scored a run on the play. joy!

other than that, it was a solid ass-whooping. rich hill's an utter dingleberry. i think he issued three straight walks in that second inning to lead up to a grand slam. no wonder the cubs are the laughingstocks of chicago... we left during the seventh inning stretch. i couldn't stomach being on a crowded train with a bunch of braying sox fans, and drunk ones at that.

silver lining: i didn't get jeered at or peed on, even though i was wearing my cubs hat.. and it was a really nice day out. i must go lie down now.

19 May 2006

snakes in a stadium

through some conflagration of time and space, i wound up with three tickets to the cubs/sox game tomorrow afternoon. my purple cubs cap will be out in force. (do they even make sox caps in purple? i hope not.) i'm trying like mad to work up any sort of enthusiasm for it, but without derrek lee and a no-name, 0-3 pitcher working the mound.. my expectations are low. at least i'll get to see the burning hunk of man that is joe crede. maybe i'll make a giant sign that just has his face and a huge arrow to my lap...

17 May 2006

i can't win

the warmer it gets outside, the colder it gets in the office. i wore a light, gauzy white shirt to work today, along with capris and open-toed slides. i was forced to change into my sweatshirt and am currently draping a jacket over my legs.. and i still wish i were in a parka and gloves.

damnit.

14 May 2006

a gross indiscretion

my friend Justin has brought to my attention the following incredible fact:

when one googles the quoted phrase "edible assless chaps" ... nothing comes up.

there's so much wrong with that. this is what the Internet was MADE FOR, people!

i want to see some edible assless chaps on the market out there, STAT!